Monday, May 4, 2009

Would You Take Six Guys out for $50?

The Europeans only take risks at the end, when they’re trying to win the race,” Gandara said. “You don’t have somebody crash and take six guys out just to win $50."
-from NY Times

My answer: definitely. With glee.

Here it is, my shit-kicker six:
(1) Hitler. Let's start with someone we can agree on. See here for Louis CK's version of what he'd do to Hitler. (NSFW)
(2) Idi Amin. Another one. All of us should gladly throw Idi Amin under a bus, were he alive today. Of course, he's dead, but still, I think we still have a moral imperative, should perchance his corpse enter a race, to throw his corpse under a bus. That's how bad this guy was. Come to think of it, this goes for Hitler also.
(3) Cadel Evans (Others have probably had this idea--he has broken his collarbones 128 times).
(4) Ricco. Our present punishment for doping is totally idiotic. I mean, when I was a kid and did something wrong, the best thing that could have happened to me, as punishment, was being sent to my room. It was a hell of a lot better than listening to Mom go on and on about how disappointing I was. I say let the doper stay, let him ride in the peloton, but let the other racers get primes for knocking him over, maybe $15 to Sbarro's or something like that. I can see a lot of the bigger riders getting into that. On the other hand, this kind of policy might encourage more drug use.
(5) Several bus drivers in the DC area. Just sayin'...they nearly kill me every day. I should get my chance at them.
(6) Chuck Norris. I'd just want to see him land on his feet.


Anonymous said...

if you touch Cadel i'll cut your fucking hand off.

Calvini said...

I think Cadel needs more guys like you this year. I mean, he's going up against whole teams of contenders like Astana and Saxo Bank. I mean, who else does Cadel have on Silence Lotto? Gilbert?

Sometimes, don't you want to smash the fragile plate, just because it's fragile?