Lord knows my brother and I are cheap enough and vain enough that we'd do anything, including downing seven cups of coffee pre-race (screw you, UCI six-cup limit!), to dominate our categories and spend the following year gloating about it on this blog so that Flamenco Chuckwagon has to regulate and launches a well-deserved cyber-attack on us, NoKo-style.
Yeah, we'd make the most of it. We'd purchase matching bib shorts and have custom paint jobs on our bikes. We'd commission custom shades and shoes. We'd start a milkstrong campaign to raise awareness of lactose intolerance with white wristbands.
We'd hold press conferences:
qualia: First question...you in the back...
breathless reporter: There are those who say your success is a travesty, who accuse you of illicit caffeine consumption and point to your extraordinary results and post-race jimmy legs. What do you say to them?
calvini: Look at those 30 million Americans who suffer daily from lactose intolerance. And look at their spouses and family members who struggle to support them and to eat cheese in front of them. Have you ever had soy milk, sir? Non-dairy creamer?
Such a scenario will never go down, since we're both upgrading, we're not in categories where the jerseys are awarded, and, lastly, we do NOT abuse UCI caffeine limits, except in out of competition activities that are frankly none of the UCI's business (i.e., philosophy conferences).
I could see the above scenario carried out by some riders (ruggstrong bracelets, anyone?), but the problem remains: the best riders will upgrade and won't get a chance at the BAR.
So what's the solution?
Give the jersey to the highest point scorer in a one-month period--from April to August. That way, guys like Steven Wohl, who cleaned up early in the season, could upgrade and still have a chance at the jersey.
Another solution is to award the jersey to the team with the most upgrades from that category (e.g., from 3 to 2). It doesn't matter which rider wears the jersey on that team. That way, riders not only have an incentive to upgrade, but they also have an incentive to work with their teammates.
Or, things could stay as they are, and the winner could be two coffee-addled lactose intolerance campaigners. That milky-colored BAR jersey will go well with our milkstrong wristbands.