Stanktaint™ power systems measure thermal energy to quantify energy output. Simply put, the Stanktaint™ is a highly sophisticated thermometer system integrated into a next-generation smart chamois. An example of what the Internet of things can accomplish, the Stanktaint™ next-generation smart chamois provides precise feedback on power output by directly measuring exercise-induced thermal variance.
At this point, you're wondering--what's so great about a thermometer on my do-dads?
Well, understanding your body's thermal output provides a far deeper capacity for understanding energy output than bike-based systems. Our system cuts out the bike middle-man, so to speak, and connects directly to your body. This connectivity with the body allows a level of data metrics, far more than those provided by a bike-based system. It spits out a myriad of data points that would bewilder your outdated Garmin.
That's why, to accommodate these outputs, we've created a new head unit system we call ANALysis™,
When paired with Stanktaint™ ANALysis™ presents a complete picture of bodily activities that will relegate mere power analysis to the human sciences museum!
In addition to common metrics such as speed, power output and heart, ANALysis™ produces the following transformative metrics:
- total energy production: how many slices of pizza are you burning right now? Only Stanktaint accurately measure thermal output to know exact values;
- efficiency: in the average person less than 25% of energy produced goes into propelling a bicycle. Improving your cycling efficiency is the key variable and Stanktaint™ ANALysis™ is the only system currently capable of providing this while riding, percent of total energy production going into forward motion),
- degree of microbial activity: for riders with serious hygiene issues or concerns, Stanktaint™ raises awareness of funk down in the junk-al area. Riders who have suffered from saddle sores and boils and puss and flesh eating bacteria will be the first to not poo-poo such metrics;
- reproductive impairment: for those wanting to sire offspring, our system offers aggregated estimates of sperm count based on precise metrics validated by reputable dick doctors everywhere;
- level of arousal: for those serious about sexual health while on the bike, metrics on this are available for both men and women.
Act now to order your Stanktaint™ ANALysis™ system and you'll receive, at no extra charge, the enzyme analysis module! Through our patented flatu-meter, variance analysis coupled with digestive residue allows a complete picture of the digestive profile. Using this you can tailor your diet to better suit your digestive needs.
So call today!