Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Rugg Report: Green Mountain Stage Race

Last year, our man Rugg held the KOM jersey for all but one stage of the Green Mountain Stage Race. This year, he competed at the top level with Ted King, Reid Mumford, the Kough boys.

I'm not sure what happened; I haven't had a chance to chat with Rugg, and I'm assuming he's returned to his hybernational state in his kryogenic decompression chamber for hyperbaric synergistic re-Ruggification.





















All I've done is browse the results. With Rugg, there are usually quite a few things that happen that do not show up on the results page. As all MABRA-ites know, racetime events for Rugg include but are not limited to the following:
-a million attacks,
-strong language,
-heavy breathing of a kind not inspired by exertion, but more like the kind heard on the end of anonymous phone calls,
-shitcore,
-justice flowing like a mighty river, and
-the wholesale slaughter of farm animals.
Obviously, I'm missing the story, and full Rugg Report is a forthcoming necessity, which I will pursue with all vigor and courage.

In the meantime, let's look at the results:

Prologue
Result: 19th
Probable Cause: quintuple flat tire










Rugg performed at the expected level, nabbing a top 20 in a very difficult TT. As a team, Harley put three riders in the top 20, which is extraordinary for an amateur squad. The failure of five tires to withstand Rugg's refusal to stop "peeling out," and laying rubber tracks in the road and causing his tires to explode from excessive wattage-producing friction nothwithstanding, Rugg did what Rugg do.

Stage 1
Result: Basically, last
Probable cause: Bear attack


In stage 2 Rugg underperformed. The probable explanation is freak bear attack or freak Rugg bear attack. Either way, a bear was involved, and either Rugg or the bear instigated the conflict. The old saying, "I went to see Rugg bike race and a bear mauling broke out" was surely validated by this stage. Another observation is that the bear may have been a freak (for attacking Rugg), or Rugg, a known freak, may have turned on an innocent bear. Secondhand reports of Rugg complaining of "lack of lovemaking bearskin" in front of his lodging's fireplace remain unconfirmed, as do reports of the attack being set off by "bearskin Rugg" jokes sparking the conflagration, prompting Rugg to actually go out and procure a bearskin rug, and then ride through the peleton actually carrying and pointing at the bearskin and repeating "THIS is a bearskin rug" repeatedly.

Word is not in whether a lovemaking bearskin rug was subsequently found at the Rugg domicile.

Stage 2Result: Basically, last



A herd of kitties, stranded in trees along the edge of the race rount, required Rugg to either climb the trees or fell them with a might kick, and then fill his pockets with the fiesty creatures. Rumor has it that he personally stashed forty seven in his jersey and chamois. He even discarded his water bottles and thrust two in his cages. "Every kitty is precious," said Rugg after the race, "and I can always win a bike race, except during rutting season, when the musth comes over me."

Stage 3: 9th













Although Rugg finished in the top ten on the stage, he did so without the benefit of pedals, preferring to groove to the beat in a boom box lashed to his Trikke 3-wheeled carving scooter.

GC: Dead last



















For his efforts, Rugg was awarded the lantern rouge of the race. Unfortunately, the race awards no official jersey, so Rugg slaughtered race organizers and wreaked death upon the countryside, and then visited Ben & Jerries for a free scoope of its newest flavor (made of raw meat, with chunks of marrow, incidentally): Ruggday Bloody Ruggday.

5 comments:

chuck hutch said...

Our GC guy Ian Holt got caught out on the 1st climb of satge 3 and Tim Rugg Drilled the front of the group and brought Ian back to the rest of the GC guys at the base of the next climb. Once the catch was made Rugg was done and cruzed in to make the time cut. Rugg's sacrafice saved the day and Ian got a top 10 and held his GC spot.

Calvini said...

Thanks for that update, Chuck. I figured either some kind of accident or something like this. Harley put on a serious show up there, so congrats.

Tim Rugg said...

I can confirm this report is exactly correct!

Actually:

Saturday was a tough day... Sean Barrie and I were going nuts up front early because a mishap that left 3 of our guys having to chase on. I was panicking and raced myself into the ground.

Chuck sums up Sunday pretty well... I couldn't have helped without Jared Neiters drilling it too.

Monday I managed to make it into a break with Reid Mumford and had a decent finish because of positioning.

I got a shout out in velonews : http://velonews.competitor.com/2010/09/news/jeremy-powers-kristin-mcgrath-wrap-up-green-mountain-stage-race-wins_139039

The weekend wasn't exactly how I envisioned it to go, but I learned a lot and had a great time racing hard with the team.

My legs HURT today. Univest this weekend!

Calvini said...

Great to hear that, Tim. Keep it up!

Tim Rugg said...

Oh, I used that dancoy TT warmup and felt great before/during/and after the TT. I was able to hold and maintain a HR about 5 beats higher than I was targeting.