A recent excavation at 14th and Q Street on the NW side of Washington DC revealed an ancient stone tablet, possibly of Norse origin. Experts in old Norse have partially translated the tablet, whose date is uncertain. Google's Norwegian-English translation tool may provide additional aid in translating the message, which appears to be some kind of warning:
On behalf of the Sykkelrackinstallasjoner, of whom I am the Kasserer und Gå, I greet thee. We send thee fair warning, cyclistoclans of Das Centrekapitol, and more specifically to those who compete in the sport of self-propelled two-wheeled combat, of our might and bellicosity.
Die Sykkelrackinstallasjoner hath reached the apex of its build period and amassed its battle arsenel, including sperm helmets and booties. We shall now like unto the sea eagle, fall from the heavens to the sea to snatch our prey from the bosom of the sea (i.e., office park). That is to say, while we don't plan on feeding our opponents' their internal organs (LOLZ!), we will, as they say, "represent."
Mine own strength this season has flourished like unto the oak, especially since the medicine men at Sport and Spinal raised my saddle three føtter and also since I finally sorted out my personal life through long hikes, herbal tea, milk baths and the discipline of Dame Oprah.
Behold my mighty loins! Beware! Although midst the race I never stand, it is my wyrd to remain in the saddle and sprint, and shall pass you by without your awareness that I doth do so!
Thou shalt always bet on red.
Kasserer und Gå, Sykkelrackinstallasjoner
P.S. Brownie, you are weak in relation to me. All the white shoe covers in the world will not make you as fast as me.