Friday, January 18, 2013

Train Like Lance!

"When your feet are going slow, you're going slow."--Chris Carmichael

Cadence
Use a high cadence for climbing, and for pretty much everything.  Walking the dog?  Do it with high cadence.  Making love?  Use a high cadence. Admitting to years of systemmatic doping?  Lay that confession out there rapid fire, with your trademark high cadence.

Diet
Eat and shit thermometers (and hire Allen Lim), shit possibilities.  Incinerate fat, shit possibilities.  Eat vegan (sort of?) and develop a "Lance Armstrong mentality" and keep shitting possibilities.


Go sort of vegan breakfast and lunch, but anything you want for dinner.

Weigh your food on a digital scale.

Lose weight, preferably from chemo.


Aerobic vs. Anaerobic Training Focus
Do all of your training at, below, or above your lactate threshold, but keep your punches above the belt.

Then again, do workouts in the anaerobic state!  Intervals!  Don't waste time riding tempo. Do workouts in the aerobic state.  Tempo!

Wait, sorry.  Scratch that.  Don't waste time doing intervals. Do tons of recovery rides.  Go really slow on the bike.

Strength Training
Use five bodyweight moves to build core strength, like Lance does for three hours a day, then stretch an hour a day.  Instead of using low weight, high reps (e.g., bodyweight moves), muscle up using low reps over the winter.

Do the Romanian deadlift.

Macro Training Planning
Follow Lance's three-month training program.  Follow this three month program for all 12 months.

Train at altitude.

Drugs
Take quercetin.

Honey.

Psychology
Employ mental preparation.  Learn to love pain.

Earn the admiration of Cheryl Crow, but despite years of steroid use, still not be strong enough to be her man.

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