Tuesday, January 31, 2012

More than a Girl, Not Yet a Woman

Well, Tim Brown is off to Los Angelos, what Kerouac called "the loneliest and most brutal of American cities." Just to mitigate that bummer a bit, I'll note that clearly Kerouac had never been to Fargo when he wrote that, because there's a big difference between a city of people who live in air conditioned boxes and people who ice fish half the year. Lucky for Tim, there are beautiful mountains and surf and even trails to ride, and a variety of freeways on which to park for hours.

I've complained about Brown a thousand times: his many annoying victories (Leonardtown, Capital Criterium, his refusal to employ modern training technology beyond a whorish G-Shock watch taped to his handlebars (see below), and his annoying habit of "tossing off" at every streetsign, as if celebrating a Grand Tour win.

What made Brown so annoyingly fast? Well, I recently discovered his secret training regimine, and I have the photographic proof:

Yes, that is a can of beer in his skate.

We've all seen Brown evolve from a skinny Cat 5 on a 25 pound triple-equiped Trek to a cold blooded assassin. Last year at Speed Week racing against the pros he claimed three top 20s, earning himself a national ranking in the top 100 American crit racers. He won the MABRA Crit Championship and came in second in the road race at Page Valley, proving he's more than a sprinter, not yet a time trialist (i.e., more than a girl, not yet a woman).

Ride off into the smoggy sunset, Brown. You're almost a full woman now. If you ever get lost, just follow your flamboyant G-Shock back to Hains.

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