Wednesday, November 9, 2011
New Team-Issue Bikes an Issue for XO-Battley-Harley-Davidson-Sonoma-Teaism
BH-XO has in the past suffered from an excess of awesomeness, from sweeping BAR podiums to winning the first six spots of local races. In the spirit of generosity for which it is well known, the team has decided to spread the love around. Literally.
BH-XO will next year be sponsored by DCLoveSpread.org, a local sperm bank that receives high quality sperm from top-notch athletes such as Harley. As part of the sponsorship deal, BH-XO will not only provide a stellar donation pool, they will also ride and race on new working sperm-donation bikes, specially designed in Europe for similar sperm facilities there.
"Personally," stated BH-XO spokesperson Tim Rugg, "the canister looks a little small for me." When informed that the canister was intended to hold the donations of either three hundred men or 50 horses, Rugg expressed surprise. "No kidding?"
It remains to be seen whether the plan will yield results (other than a plethora of children with excess beard syndrome and/or a fondness for Brownie Batter) for BH-XO.
There is evidence at both the international and local level that the plan will not work. "Merging bike racing and medical donations is a somewhat risky proposition," said a skeptical Riccardo Ricco, whose own career has taken a hit as a result of some amateurish attempts to mix the two.
A similar scheme involving liver transplant Big Dummy bikes attempted by another local race team, District Velocity Racing, led to catastrophic results when team members began slow-cooking intended liver donations, unaware or unconcerned that they were indeed cannibalizing human organs. "When team member Justin "Rez" Reznick showed up at George Washington Hospital with a calf's liver," said a team member who spoke on condition of anonymity, "our relationship with Speedy-Livrs, Inc. was done."
In the case of BH-XO's bikes, the temptation to donate rather than ride may prove too much. On the other hand, such an outcome would ensure the long-term viability of the BH-XO organization, as well as strengthen the future of MABRA's gene pool.