Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I brake for massive booty and/or $20

"I brake for massive booty."--as seen on a bumper stick on a stopped car on Key Bridge

Say what you will about the bumper sticker's author, at least he cared enough about his message to spell all the words in it correctly (although an argument can be made for either of the following spellings):
(a) "bootie:" a "wetsuit boot worn while engaging in watersports," or
(b) "bootee": "a short soft sock or bootlike garment used for warmth or protection."

Craigslist posters, perhaps because they are overcome with emotion at the time of posting, are not so fastidious in their spelling (nor am I, as Jim once observed). Sometimes a craigslist posting can unintentionally read like a narrative. For example, because of shoddy spelling this reads like a story written by a sobbing three-year-old about a bike falling apart or shattering one's spine:

Problem aren't limited to spelling. Some posts are simply incomplete; they raise more questions than they answer, as in this post:

Can't recall a single detail about her, man, but she broke my heart (I think?).

A quote from Junot Diaz, shared with me by this blog's female reader, is appropriate:
"His affection—that gravitational mass of love, fear, longing, desire, and lust that he directed at any and every girl in the vicinity without regard to looks, age, or availability—broke his heart each and every day."

The previous post and following post are not clear about the object of their attraction. We are not clear whether the following craigslister yearns for the touch of a man or his machine.

Nothing says true love like the heart that falls for the "well-regarded b-school" emblem slapped on a totem of materialistic excess. Who says romance is dead?

Behold a properly written craigslist post:
I was on my Mercier and you were driving your Mercier through rush hour Raleigh. You were stupid with your lack of rear brake and your team jersey indicated you ride for a well-regarded DC-area cycling club. Hourglass figure. Massive booty. Worn over your shoes because it's cold.

I brake for you.


tome said...

Very nice closure. I feel complete.

qualia said...

you mean 'I break for you'?