Friday, June 5, 2009

Floyd Landis Bit the Head off a Bat

Dick Pound once said of Floyd Landis' elevated testosterone, "You'd think he'd be violating every virgin within 100 miles. How does he even get on his bicycle?"

Take a look at this man, sir. I take it you ask your question in earnest--did Floyd Landis violate every virgin in the French countryside, then cool his taint in a mountain stream, knocking back a cold one, not bothering to take off his shoes?

























There are so many questions to ask in earnest concerning this man.

Did Floyd get drunk and slap a couple of T-patches on his crotch and pass out? Did he when he was a black-suited be-big hatted Mennonite teenager wreck the heathen be-spandexed in the very same Mt. Joys Turkey Hills Union Groves Tours of Ephratas we frequent?

Did he do a wheelie down the Champs-Élysées?



























Did he construct a hyperbaric chamber out of a sewage pipe and some parts he bought at a hardware store and deprive his girlfriend of his nightly warmth in a sealed tube, Michael Jack-style? Does he, when he feelin' like a pimp, don the fur of a yak over his bike shorts?























Did he, during his two years' suspension, never once get on a bike, gain twenty pounds, and take up hunting wild boar with an atlatl. Did he channel the Dude?





















Just stuff I've heard, pictures I've seen, rumors that pass.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Floyd sounds like a guy we all need to party with.

Anonymous said...

I believe he wears this:

http://www.amazon.com/Three-T-Shirt-Available-Various-Sizes/dp/B000NZW3IY

Calvini said...

Heh heh. Wolf T--that's great. 2009 MABRA champ jersey?